My body and mind are now just about fully adapted to this vegan thing. I've firmly battered past the "this isn't a meal!" protests so many times that my brain is sulkily accepting hummus and pita chips with an apple, carrots, and soymilk as a balanced meal. I'm starting to want soymilk like I've always wanted milk. When I walk into the Union, I think "Hmm, how about an all-fruit smoothie? Or french fries?" instead of "Ooo, pizza smells good." I'm not getting weird stomach cramps or random fits of hunger. My stomach has realized that it's going to be getting a lot of plants, and it seems to be okay with it. I'm thinking vegan-food thoughts.
Today, for instance, I had some garbanzo beans and soy sauce leftover from my green bean / garbanzo bean mix-up earlier this week, so I thought to myself, "Mm, I wonder if I could make Ramen, without the seasoning, and mix that all up together?" And so I did. And you know what? It was filling, and it was tasty. This is a big step from my first wrinkled-nose meals of hummus and tabbouleh. Now I've acquired quite a taste for hummus, though tabbouleh can go home. It's way too vinegary. But anyway. The point is that I feel like I'm really going to make it, and it's not going to be overly difficult. I've gotten into a groove.
(Now, whether or not this groove is something I particularly want/need for the rest of my life is a different question entirely. As I've addressed previously, I'm hoping these cravings for soymilk will stop once I've got the real deal back. Wait a second, what does milk taste like? Oh dear. o.o)
The thing that's tested me the most so far, however -- even more than the bagels and cream cheese at Women's Weekend -- happened last Saturday. I had a friend up to visit, and we made cookies together. We made snickerdoodles, to be precise. Snickerdoodles are arguably my favorite cookie ever. And I helped mix the dough, roll out the doughballs in cinnamon sugar, and salvage them from the oven before they burnt. And while everyone else was eating them, I just watched. And smelled. That was tempting.
But even then, I feel like the phrase "The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm" holds true. In the situations where I'm surrounded most by food I can't have, I block myself off from the thought of it. I'm not ever really seriously close to giving in, even though the cookies (or pizza, or pancakes) look and smell scrumptious. The times when I'm closest to giving in are the little things. It's almost vegan, except this one thing ... when it would be easier to just grab it and go. But then, just a little give here leads to just a little more give, and then a little more, and a little more ... Hm. Food for thought.
A week and two days left. Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
St. Patty's Day And Other Adventures
Whew. Both break and my first week back flew by incredibly fast, but a lot happened. I will sum up the occurrences of these weeks with Worst-Funniest-Best.
Spring break Worst: driving all the way up to my friend's house to go home on Saturday, only to find out they were leaving on Sunday, and therefore wasting $20 in gas and $4 in tolls. >.< Plus also stopping at a shady gas station to pee and realizing that the creepy man outside was following us. O.O We got in the car, quickly, and left.
Spring break Funniest: getting A Very Potter Musical stuck in my friend's head; she doesn't watch or read Harry Potter at all. We were quoting it all week.
Spring break Best: EATING ICE CREAM AND PIZZA AND A FRAPPUCINO! And also relaxing my mind by playing Tetris all day. And also finishing Crime and Punishment, Big Sur, and reading The Great Gatsby.
School Worst: It's getting hot outside. *sweatdrop* And tabbouleh is gross. Oh yeah, and those drunk guys yelling at me last night. >.<;
School Funniest: The kids at middle school this week were hilarious. Graphing an exponential equation, one kid was really quiet, then shouted: "LIKE THE DRAGSTER!" Yes, wonderful child. It's exactly like The Dragster. XD And also one of my coworkers coming into work last night completely slammed. He was very happy and huggy. Everyone was cracking up, taking pictures -- the boss told him to go back to the bar.
School Best: The one pro about warmer weather is that I can start running again the mornings. Huzzah! Also, I like soy milk now. It only took 20 gallons of it to bludgeon my taste buds into submission. x.x
Now, I have one more comment about St. Patrick's Day: I don't think people at my college need any more opportunities to get wasted. Especially in the middle of the week. They already make obnoxious amounts of noise Thursday through Saturday. I have to wake up early on Wednesday, and the party definitely started at 6pm on Tuesday. Ugh.
And, my family sent me a wonderful care package! I now have a custom-made charm bracelet that makes delightful twinkly noises when I walk, pop tab earrings, and a lot of food I can't eat. Hey, two outta three ain't bad. *smile*
I only have two weeks and two days left of being vegan! And, since my Mom and Gramma bought me some vegan bread on Monday, I've been eating like a queen. PB&Js are such a lifesaver. However, I'm beginning to feel that this might have serious psychological issues that go along with it. I'm starting to like soy milk, which can't be a good sign, and when I doodled a cupcake earlier, my mouth watered. Let's just hope my mind is a rubber band. I'll snap back into omnivore-mode like an addict out of rehab!
...wait, that's a bad analogy. ^-^;
Spring break Worst: driving all the way up to my friend's house to go home on Saturday, only to find out they were leaving on Sunday, and therefore wasting $20 in gas and $4 in tolls. >.< Plus also stopping at a shady gas station to pee and realizing that the creepy man outside was following us. O.O We got in the car, quickly, and left.
Spring break Funniest: getting A Very Potter Musical stuck in my friend's head; she doesn't watch or read Harry Potter at all. We were quoting it all week.
Spring break Best: EATING ICE CREAM AND PIZZA AND A FRAPPUCINO! And also relaxing my mind by playing Tetris all day. And also finishing Crime and Punishment, Big Sur, and reading The Great Gatsby.
School Worst: It's getting hot outside. *sweatdrop* And tabbouleh is gross. Oh yeah, and those drunk guys yelling at me last night. >.<;
School Funniest: The kids at middle school this week were hilarious. Graphing an exponential equation, one kid was really quiet, then shouted: "LIKE THE DRAGSTER!" Yes, wonderful child. It's exactly like The Dragster. XD And also one of my coworkers coming into work last night completely slammed. He was very happy and huggy. Everyone was cracking up, taking pictures -- the boss told him to go back to the bar.
School Best: The one pro about warmer weather is that I can start running again the mornings. Huzzah! Also, I like soy milk now. It only took 20 gallons of it to bludgeon my taste buds into submission. x.x
Now, I have one more comment about St. Patrick's Day: I don't think people at my college need any more opportunities to get wasted. Especially in the middle of the week. They already make obnoxious amounts of noise Thursday through Saturday. I have to wake up early on Wednesday, and the party definitely started at 6pm on Tuesday. Ugh.
And, my family sent me a wonderful care package! I now have a custom-made charm bracelet that makes delightful twinkly noises when I walk, pop tab earrings, and a lot of food I can't eat. Hey, two outta three ain't bad. *smile*
I only have two weeks and two days left of being vegan! And, since my Mom and Gramma bought me some vegan bread on Monday, I've been eating like a queen. PB&Js are such a lifesaver. However, I'm beginning to feel that this might have serious psychological issues that go along with it. I'm starting to like soy milk, which can't be a good sign, and when I doodled a cupcake earlier, my mouth watered. Let's just hope my mind is a rubber band. I'll snap back into omnivore-mode like an addict out of rehab!
...wait, that's a bad analogy. ^-^;
Monday, March 8, 2010
Spring Break
Let's start with Saturday, shall we? That was the 9 hour car ride to my friend's house + 2 hour car ride to the place where I'm actually staying. I don't mind the long car ride as much as not being able to eat and drink like a normal person, because no one wants to stop more than they have to when the car ride already takes up the entire day. Nonetheless, we stopped at Big Boy's for breakfast, which smelled unfairly of sausage and eggs. I hadn't been very hungry until we walked in, then I was suddenly famished. And I don't know if you've been to Big Boy's, but they believe in animals there. It took five minutes of frantic searching to locate something I could eat, squashed into the a la carte entree section: oatmeal.
Now, oatmeal and I have a complicated relationship. I ate it a lot as a child, and I've fixed it up in every way imaginable. A different way every time, possibly. Still, nothing I did made it taste less like paper (I suspect soy is involved. o.o). I continued to eat it, because when you have to choose between oatmeal and starvation, the gluey mess starts to look pretty appetizing. And hey, if you throw in a lot of butter and sugar, maybe even syrup, then it's at least palatable.
But this stuff at the restaurant was not palatable, because I couldn't add butter (for obvious reasons) or sugar (because bone char is usually involved), and I didn't know about the syrup they used. And mass-produced oatmeal is even worse than usual. It kinda looked like a bowl of opaque jello with lots of little lumps. Super-delicious. I managed to shove it down with the help of an entire glass of OJ and half a glass of water. The waitress brought the water, because I think she might've caught one of the micro-expressions of grossness on my face.
What a lovely lady. She had pink in her hair. It was great. ...But anyway.
Then we bunkered down for the car ride. It was dull, but otherwise okay. I became grateful for the pretzels I brought at one point, and the Swedish Fish (They're vegan! One of the many small blessings.) which I shared with my friend. She examined them closely to be sure they weren't especially vegan pretzels or Swedish Fish, then happily took part. Seriously, why would I waste money on good-food substitutes? Rice Cream taught me that that was a bad idea, and I'm never doing it again. Blech.
10 hours later, I arrived at the place where I'm staying, with a different friend. Between miscommunications and altercations with the police (nothing serious: just a burnt-out headlight) it took longer to get there than I thought it would, but it was okay. I watched Lost with my friend whilst waiting for the other one to find her house. I'd never seen Lost before, and I think it's an interesting show. My friend is in love with Sayid. Personally, I like Desmond, He may be crazy, but he has the coolest accent.
But I digress.
So I get to my other friend's house, finally, and get another lowdown on the food situation -- this time, at a time when I can actually remember it. It looks something like this:
Father: No dairy, no meat.
Mother: No dairy, no sugar.
My friend: No dairy, no sugar, no bread.
The two things that I wanted most, therefore, are definitely not in the house. All I wanted was pizza and ice cream. But, oh well. I am thoroughly enjoying my second day of not being vegan. I've drunk at least three glasses of milk, ate a third of a chocolate heart, and had cake for breakfast yesterday. And my body was apparently wanting meat so much that a salmon burger sounded good yesterday -- and I hate fish. So I had a salmon burger, and I enjoyed it. Crazy stuff, man.
Eating here isn't going to involve a lot of meat or dairy, but I'm okay with that. Like I said before, at least I don't have to read labels (though I am doing some of that, almost out of habit) and I can enjoy a glass of milk. And hummus! The dad makes his own hummus, and it's very delicious. I have been enjoying that as well. ^-^ Break is going to be great.
Now, oatmeal and I have a complicated relationship. I ate it a lot as a child, and I've fixed it up in every way imaginable. A different way every time, possibly. Still, nothing I did made it taste less like paper (I suspect soy is involved. o.o). I continued to eat it, because when you have to choose between oatmeal and starvation, the gluey mess starts to look pretty appetizing. And hey, if you throw in a lot of butter and sugar, maybe even syrup, then it's at least palatable.
But this stuff at the restaurant was not palatable, because I couldn't add butter (for obvious reasons) or sugar (because bone char is usually involved), and I didn't know about the syrup they used. And mass-produced oatmeal is even worse than usual. It kinda looked like a bowl of opaque jello with lots of little lumps. Super-delicious. I managed to shove it down with the help of an entire glass of OJ and half a glass of water. The waitress brought the water, because I think she might've caught one of the micro-expressions of grossness on my face.
What a lovely lady. She had pink in her hair. It was great. ...But anyway.
Then we bunkered down for the car ride. It was dull, but otherwise okay. I became grateful for the pretzels I brought at one point, and the Swedish Fish (They're vegan! One of the many small blessings.) which I shared with my friend. She examined them closely to be sure they weren't especially vegan pretzels or Swedish Fish, then happily took part. Seriously, why would I waste money on good-food substitutes? Rice Cream taught me that that was a bad idea, and I'm never doing it again. Blech.
10 hours later, I arrived at the place where I'm staying, with a different friend. Between miscommunications and altercations with the police (nothing serious: just a burnt-out headlight) it took longer to get there than I thought it would, but it was okay. I watched Lost with my friend whilst waiting for the other one to find her house. I'd never seen Lost before, and I think it's an interesting show. My friend is in love with Sayid. Personally, I like Desmond, He may be crazy, but he has the coolest accent.
But I digress.
So I get to my other friend's house, finally, and get another lowdown on the food situation -- this time, at a time when I can actually remember it. It looks something like this:
Father: No dairy, no meat.
Mother: No dairy, no sugar.
My friend: No dairy, no sugar, no bread.
The two things that I wanted most, therefore, are definitely not in the house. All I wanted was pizza and ice cream. But, oh well. I am thoroughly enjoying my second day of not being vegan. I've drunk at least three glasses of milk, ate a third of a chocolate heart, and had cake for breakfast yesterday. And my body was apparently wanting meat so much that a salmon burger sounded good yesterday -- and I hate fish. So I had a salmon burger, and I enjoyed it. Crazy stuff, man.
Eating here isn't going to involve a lot of meat or dairy, but I'm okay with that. Like I said before, at least I don't have to read labels (though I am doing some of that, almost out of habit) and I can enjoy a glass of milk. And hummus! The dad makes his own hummus, and it's very delicious. I have been enjoying that as well. ^-^ Break is going to be great.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Bread and [peanut]Butter Living
Jesus said that man cannot live on bread alone, but I'd like to comment that bread is a nice supplement to life. I didn't realize how much I missed bread until I didn't have it for ten days. Especially when food is psychologically unfulfilling, bread is a lifesaver. In my head, I know that I'm getting all the nutrients I need. However, when I'm eating hummus and pretzels, my brain says "snack!" and waits for the meat. This is a mental issue that I'm working to overcome. In the meantime, however, I can eat a PB&J, and the sandwich-like quality of the food registers as a meal, for once. Thank goodness.
The vegan bread is due to the great kindness of my future potential roommate's family. I also came home from their house with a container of vegan spaghetti and a container of vegetable soup -- both completely delicious and unfortunately very gone. They also made vegan garlic bread while I was there: homemade french bread with olive oil and garlic. Who would've thought? I've decided that I like this family very much, especially because I can tell that they're much like my family in the eating department.
"Flavor comes from fat," the dad said, looking a bit perturbed as he tried to figure out another way to make things taste good. (He did figure something out in the end, because that soup was amazing.)
And it's true. It's surprising how much less flavorful most foods are without any animal products in them. I can even taste the difference in vegan bread versus normal store-bought bread. On one hand I feel like I taste less preservatives and unnecessary products, but I also feel like the bread is just not as flavorful. This also might have something to do with the fact that honey is not vegan. Apparently vegans also care about the multitudes of insects that we kill on a daily basis walking from the house to the car. It wouldn't surprise me if I heard that PETA was going to start calling bees honey kittens or something. Much like their mind-blowing sea kitten campaign. (Honestly. Fish look nothing like kittens. They are nothing like kittens. Why, PETA, why?) Something in me wonders if this all didn't start because of The Bee Movie...
This weekend, I also got to share the wonders of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog with my friend, and we together watched the entirety of A Very Potter Musical in one sitting. I don't know if you know, but that's quite a feat. I've been singing songs from it ever since, and I'm probably okay with that. What a refreshingly smart fan movie of a delightful book series.
Next week is Spring Break, where I get to stop being vegan for six days. Yes! However, the family I am visiting is eating all sorts of crazy-weird-almost-vegan at the moment, so I'm not sure how much of a relief it will be. Ah, well. At least I don't have to read labels.
Interesting accidentally-vegan food of the day: Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Yay, life! However, it's better to eat this cereal dry, because something in it makes soy milk congeal and leave little chalk-deposits all over my delicious sugary goodness. Yarrgh!
The vegan bread is due to the great kindness of my future potential roommate's family. I also came home from their house with a container of vegan spaghetti and a container of vegetable soup -- both completely delicious and unfortunately very gone. They also made vegan garlic bread while I was there: homemade french bread with olive oil and garlic. Who would've thought? I've decided that I like this family very much, especially because I can tell that they're much like my family in the eating department.
"Flavor comes from fat," the dad said, looking a bit perturbed as he tried to figure out another way to make things taste good. (He did figure something out in the end, because that soup was amazing.)
And it's true. It's surprising how much less flavorful most foods are without any animal products in them. I can even taste the difference in vegan bread versus normal store-bought bread. On one hand I feel like I taste less preservatives and unnecessary products, but I also feel like the bread is just not as flavorful. This also might have something to do with the fact that honey is not vegan. Apparently vegans also care about the multitudes of insects that we kill on a daily basis walking from the house to the car. It wouldn't surprise me if I heard that PETA was going to start calling bees honey kittens or something. Much like their mind-blowing sea kitten campaign. (Honestly. Fish look nothing like kittens. They are nothing like kittens. Why, PETA, why?) Something in me wonders if this all didn't start because of The Bee Movie...
This weekend, I also got to share the wonders of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog with my friend, and we together watched the entirety of A Very Potter Musical in one sitting. I don't know if you know, but that's quite a feat. I've been singing songs from it ever since, and I'm probably okay with that. What a refreshingly smart fan movie of a delightful book series.
Next week is Spring Break, where I get to stop being vegan for six days. Yes! However, the family I am visiting is eating all sorts of crazy-weird-almost-vegan at the moment, so I'm not sure how much of a relief it will be. Ah, well. At least I don't have to read labels.
Interesting accidentally-vegan food of the day: Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Yay, life! However, it's better to eat this cereal dry, because something in it makes soy milk congeal and leave little chalk-deposits all over my delicious sugary goodness. Yarrgh!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Grocery Shopping
My friend (who I shall be rooming with next year) invited me to come home with her this weekend. Since I had been meaning to take her up on this offer for a while, I agreed -- her family sounded delightfully like mine, and she lived relatively close. And I really wanted to get off campus. You start to go stir-crazy after a while, when all you see are buildings that look like they belong at a juvenile detention center. Or some sort of weird modern art prison. >.< So, I began mentally preparing some foods that I could bring with me to eat, considering the most portable and nutrient-packed. But then, she spoke up.
"Oh, don't worry about it. My brother has a vegetarian friend. I'm sure they won't mind cooking vegan."
"Uhh, are you sure?" I say, looking skeptical -- for obvious reasons.
"Yeah, really. It'll be fine. My dad will enjoy the challenge."
So I hesitantly agreed, still prepared to bring my own food, just in case.
A few days later, she told me her dad was thrilled to be cooking for me, and was already looking up recipes for vegan waffles or french toast. I decided immediately that I liked this man very much.
"We'll be going shopping on Friday," she told me with a smile.
And shopping we did, indeed. It was an adventure. We spent seven minutes picking out the very best apples, ten minutes finding bread without honey or glycerides, and another few minutes finding pasta without eggs. I was so happy, I could have cried. Tomorrow, I will have hot food. And, I won't have to spend all day reading labels. Life is good.
"Oh, don't worry about it. My brother has a vegetarian friend. I'm sure they won't mind cooking vegan."
"Uhh, are you sure?" I say, looking skeptical -- for obvious reasons.
"Yeah, really. It'll be fine. My dad will enjoy the challenge."
So I hesitantly agreed, still prepared to bring my own food, just in case.
A few days later, she told me her dad was thrilled to be cooking for me, and was already looking up recipes for vegan waffles or french toast. I decided immediately that I liked this man very much.
"We'll be going shopping on Friday," she told me with a smile.
And shopping we did, indeed. It was an adventure. We spent seven minutes picking out the very best apples, ten minutes finding bread without honey or glycerides, and another few minutes finding pasta without eggs. I was so happy, I could have cried. Tomorrow, I will have hot food. And, I won't have to spend all day reading labels. Life is good.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Carnations Are Not Roses
Golf carts are not cars. Bikes are not motorcycles. Margarine is not butter.
These things are fairly obvious to the most casual observer. Why is it that people try to pull the wool over our eyes with other things? I've been running into several tricky foods lately, and it doesn't take more than one taste to know that there's something not-quite-right about these substitutes.
1. Soy milk is not milk. It's not. Call it something else. Soy juice. Soy drink. Soy beverage. Heaven knows we have weirder names than that out there. When I look at that little blue container of Silk, with the white splashing milky substance on the front, I think, "Hm, it can't be too bad. It looks harmless." And there is where I fell into the trap of American advertising. Soy milk is actually faintly yellowish, and it tastes a bit like chalk and nuts were ground up together and mixed violently with some sort of liquid until this weird milky consistency happened. However, it's a "Great source of calcium!" so drink it I must. Anything that can give me 30% of my daily calcium is a necessity, whether or not it tastes like the water someone used to clean off the blackboard. After several valiant efforts (4 containers at least) I managed to eradicate the gag reflex. I take this as progress. Though I still want to go in and Sharpie "SILK IS A LIE!" all over the soy milk section of the grocery store...
2. If it doesn't have milk, it's not chocolate. There are a few exceptions, but those are few and far between. The label "chocolate" seems to be abused in popular culture, which is just wrong. Chocolate is not something to be trifled with. It either is chocolate, or it isn't. Don't try to tell me something is chocolate flavored, because it's not. I learned that very quickly when I tried the gluten-free-dairy-free ice cream substitute at the grocery store on campus. Worst. Experience. Of my life. It tasted like paper, with the consistency of weird sherbet. It tasted nothing like chocolate at all. They should have just said "paper flavored!" on the outside. I'm sure they would have gotten more buys from that. (Coincidentally, a friend and I looked up craving paper on Web M.D. in the newsroom last night while we were waiting for stories to come in, and it's a symptom of an eating disorder or anemia. Oh, Web M.D.)
3. Coffee lies. "Chocolate Velvet" coffee does not have chocolate -- or velvet, if you were wondering -- in it, and it tastes like burnt Tootsie-Rolls. Or plastic. (They're basically the same, anyway.) When I tried to semi-salvage it with the only diluting substance I had (soy notmilk), it did not help. Chalk + plastic = not good eats.
Interesting accidentally-vegan food of the day: Tagalongs. Yes! Just when I thought I would have to give up Girl Scout Cookies.
And I've now survived my first week of being vegan. I'm feeling good about this, and I'm definitely learning to appreciate animal products a lot more than I ever have before. Talk about never knowing what you have until it's gone!
These things are fairly obvious to the most casual observer. Why is it that people try to pull the wool over our eyes with other things? I've been running into several tricky foods lately, and it doesn't take more than one taste to know that there's something not-quite-right about these substitutes.
1. Soy milk is not milk. It's not. Call it something else. Soy juice. Soy drink. Soy beverage. Heaven knows we have weirder names than that out there. When I look at that little blue container of Silk, with the white splashing milky substance on the front, I think, "Hm, it can't be too bad. It looks harmless." And there is where I fell into the trap of American advertising. Soy milk is actually faintly yellowish, and it tastes a bit like chalk and nuts were ground up together and mixed violently with some sort of liquid until this weird milky consistency happened. However, it's a "Great source of calcium!" so drink it I must. Anything that can give me 30% of my daily calcium is a necessity, whether or not it tastes like the water someone used to clean off the blackboard. After several valiant efforts (4 containers at least) I managed to eradicate the gag reflex. I take this as progress. Though I still want to go in and Sharpie "SILK IS A LIE!" all over the soy milk section of the grocery store...
2. If it doesn't have milk, it's not chocolate. There are a few exceptions, but those are few and far between. The label "chocolate" seems to be abused in popular culture, which is just wrong. Chocolate is not something to be trifled with. It either is chocolate, or it isn't. Don't try to tell me something is chocolate flavored, because it's not. I learned that very quickly when I tried the gluten-free-dairy-free ice cream substitute at the grocery store on campus. Worst. Experience. Of my life. It tasted like paper, with the consistency of weird sherbet. It tasted nothing like chocolate at all. They should have just said "paper flavored!" on the outside. I'm sure they would have gotten more buys from that. (Coincidentally, a friend and I looked up craving paper on Web M.D. in the newsroom last night while we were waiting for stories to come in, and it's a symptom of an eating disorder or anemia. Oh, Web M.D.)
3. Coffee lies. "Chocolate Velvet" coffee does not have chocolate -- or velvet, if you were wondering -- in it, and it tastes like burnt Tootsie-Rolls. Or plastic. (They're basically the same, anyway.) When I tried to semi-salvage it with the only diluting substance I had (soy notmilk), it did not help. Chalk + plastic = not good eats.
Interesting accidentally-vegan food of the day: Tagalongs. Yes! Just when I thought I would have to give up Girl Scout Cookies.
And I've now survived my first week of being vegan. I'm feeling good about this, and I'm definitely learning to appreciate animal products a lot more than I ever have before. Talk about never knowing what you have until it's gone!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Quotable Moments
I've learned that this vegan thing opens up a lot of opportunities for amusing quotes, both in context and out of context. For example, last night I spent several minutes haggling the dairy out of my smoothie with the Starbuck's Barista, and paid an extra 30 cents for it to be made with soy milk instead of regular milk and for them to leave out the whey protein. I was slightly depressed at this point, because I just paid $4.15 for something that was probably not going to be that great. A friend orders a smoothie as well, though hers is normal (jealousy). Mine comes out first. She gives it a wary look.
"That... looks very bland. Kinda like tofu."
"Thanks. I'm sure it tastes like tofu," I say, stabbing the straw in with some vengeance.
Seeing my disappointment in the situation at large, she tries to backpedal a little.
"No, I'm sure it's delicious. It's--"
Then I take a drink. She sees my face.
"How is it?" she says, wincing.
"Like tofu."
Or earlier, when I was walking with some friends:
"I'm so hungry I could eat my own arm! But that wouldn't be vegan!"
"No, that would not be vegan," comments a friend dryly.
"Or God-honoring! Why is it that the first thing you think of is if it's vegan or not?!" my other friend says, giving me a crazy look.
Or when contemplating whether or not to break into Jamba Juice:
"But I feel like that wouldn't be very Christian of me..."
"Would it be vegan?" a friend comments shrewdly.
"You know, I was actually wondering that. Even though it had nothing to do with food, really. It's rather violent, though. I think vegans are probably pacifists."
"What? No. Vegans are very violent."
"But... they don't eat meat."
"Yeah, well they have to make up for that somehow."
Or when surrounded by non-vegan food:
"Excuse me for a sec, I need to go nom a boulder or something since there's no food here I can eat."
Or a friend making fun of my food scarcity:
"You know, I'm pretty sure you're going to eat a piece of furniture before you're through with this. Just to do it."
Or another friend trying to assuage my calcium concerns:
"You don't really need calcium. I survived 60 days without calcium. Well, I broke my toe, but I survived. You can do it."
"...I think I'd rather take vitamins and drink orange juice. But thanks."
The laughable moments make it livable. Like barely surviving my first tabbouleh experience by alternating bites of tabbouleh with bites of cucumber whilst trying to hold a distractingly interesting conversation with friends and pulling grotesque faces. Or like weighing the pros and cons of attempting soy milk in cereal with a friend in my ear telling me how gross soy milk is. Or like my roommate laughing every time I pull out the Oreos. Because, who am I kidding? If my friend went vegan, I'd be laughing an awful lot at the consternation the poor person would be experiencing. And I feel like that's okay. Laughter makes everything a little easier to bear -- even tofu shakes.
"That... looks very bland. Kinda like tofu."
"Thanks. I'm sure it tastes like tofu," I say, stabbing the straw in with some vengeance.
Seeing my disappointment in the situation at large, she tries to backpedal a little.
"No, I'm sure it's delicious. It's--"
Then I take a drink. She sees my face.
"How is it?" she says, wincing.
"Like tofu."
Or earlier, when I was walking with some friends:
"I'm so hungry I could eat my own arm! But that wouldn't be vegan!"
"No, that would not be vegan," comments a friend dryly.
"Or God-honoring! Why is it that the first thing you think of is if it's vegan or not?!" my other friend says, giving me a crazy look.
Or when contemplating whether or not to break into Jamba Juice:
"But I feel like that wouldn't be very Christian of me..."
"Would it be vegan?" a friend comments shrewdly.
"You know, I was actually wondering that. Even though it had nothing to do with food, really. It's rather violent, though. I think vegans are probably pacifists."
"What? No. Vegans are very violent."
"But... they don't eat meat."
"Yeah, well they have to make up for that somehow."
Or when surrounded by non-vegan food:
"Excuse me for a sec, I need to go nom a boulder or something since there's no food here I can eat."
Or a friend making fun of my food scarcity:
"You know, I'm pretty sure you're going to eat a piece of furniture before you're through with this. Just to do it."
Or another friend trying to assuage my calcium concerns:
"You don't really need calcium. I survived 60 days without calcium. Well, I broke my toe, but I survived. You can do it."
"...I think I'd rather take vitamins and drink orange juice. But thanks."
The laughable moments make it livable. Like barely surviving my first tabbouleh experience by alternating bites of tabbouleh with bites of cucumber whilst trying to hold a distractingly interesting conversation with friends and pulling grotesque faces. Or like weighing the pros and cons of attempting soy milk in cereal with a friend in my ear telling me how gross soy milk is. Or like my roommate laughing every time I pull out the Oreos. Because, who am I kidding? If my friend went vegan, I'd be laughing an awful lot at the consternation the poor person would be experiencing. And I feel like that's okay. Laughter makes everything a little easier to bear -- even tofu shakes.
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