Quotable Moments

I've learned that this vegan thing opens up a lot of opportunities for amusing quotes, both in context and out of context. For example, last night I spent several minutes haggling the dairy out of my smoothie with the Starbuck's Barista, and paid an extra 30 cents for it to be made with soy milk instead of regular milk and for them to leave out the whey protein. I was slightly depressed at this point, because I just paid $4.15 for something that was probably not going to be that great. A friend orders a smoothie as well, though hers is normal (jealousy). Mine comes out first. She gives it a wary look.

"That... looks very bland. Kinda like tofu."
"Thanks. I'm sure it tastes like tofu," I say, stabbing the straw in with some vengeance.
Seeing my disappointment in the situation at large, she tries to backpedal a little.
"No, I'm sure it's delicious. It's--"
Then I take a drink. She sees my face.
"How is it?" she says, wincing.
"Like tofu."

Or earlier, when I was walking with some friends:

"I'm so hungry I could eat my own arm! But that wouldn't be vegan!"
"No, that would not be vegan," comments a friend dryly.
"Or God-honoring! Why is it that the first thing you think of is if it's vegan or not?!" my other friend says, giving me a crazy look.

Or when contemplating whether or not to break into Jamba Juice:

"But I feel like that wouldn't be very Christian of me..."
"Would it be vegan?" a friend comments shrewdly.
"You know, I was actually wondering that. Even though it had nothing to do with food, really. It's rather violent, though. I think vegans are probably pacifists."
"What? No. Vegans are very violent."
"But... they don't eat meat."
"Yeah, well they have to make up for that somehow."

Or when surrounded by non-vegan food:

"Excuse me for a sec, I need to go nom a boulder or something since there's no food here I can eat."

Or a friend making fun of my food scarcity:

"You know, I'm pretty sure you're going to eat a piece of furniture before you're through with this. Just to do it."

Or another friend trying to assuage my calcium concerns:

"You don't really need calcium. I survived 60 days without calcium. Well, I broke my toe, but I survived. You can do it."
"...I think I'd rather take vitamins and drink orange juice. But thanks."

The laughable moments make it livable. Like barely surviving my first tabbouleh experience by alternating bites of tabbouleh with bites of cucumber whilst trying to hold a distractingly interesting conversation with friends and pulling grotesque faces. Or like weighing the pros and cons of attempting soy milk in cereal with a friend in my ear telling me how gross soy milk is. Or like my roommate laughing every time I pull out the Oreos. Because, who am I kidding? If my friend went vegan, I'd be laughing an awful lot at the consternation the poor person would be experiencing. And I feel like that's okay. Laughter makes everything a little easier to bear -- even tofu shakes.